Seriously, it’s over? I think for many of us, this year couldn’t end soon enough. Although, I will say, the last 3 months got REALLY good in my world.
But isn’t that how it always goes?
I am labeling 2012 the year of the “SUCK”. For me it sucked. For most people around me it did not. I had a lot of struggle this year. I was sick, my body was broken, I had struggle with my work (yes, even yoga teachers can have struggle) I was continually exhausted. So, this year was sucky – (but i hear if you are a redskins fan, this year was AWESOME!)
So there is always this dynamic going on. And even in my own home, this dynamic was happening. My daughters were zooming through life – great things, great accomplishments all around. My husband was stable and happy – but me, no. I was a grumpy hot mess. My body hurt, I had a cold that seemed to never go away – and no matter what I did – the pain continued.
But then, fall came. And I’m not kidding when I say – big things ALWAYS happen for us in the fall. Not sure why – but it’s clearly our new beginning. Our new year. (reflection – perhaps we should have married in the fall… hmmmm….) Fall came and I woke up one day and my pain was gone and I felt like for the first time in over a year my eyes were open. I had energy that I used to have, my body could move. How did this happen? I changed nothing.
What happend was this – through all the suck – i had faith. I had belief that by slowly moving through and going slowly – things would open up for me. I didn’t do any of it the easy way, but the way I did it will and has made me stronger and more appreciative of this body, this life and the way that the universe works. Clearly, I had lessons to learn – and it’s very interesting to now realize what those lessons were.
I say this all the time to my yoga teacher trainee’s. And in the moment, I know they think I’m being harsh, or I’m a little “cray cray” (as the kids these day’s like to say) — But I say – you must first show up and SUCK before you can show up and SHINE. — One of my first teachers of yoga, Baron Baptiste, introduced me to this idea. It’s brilliant and it’s true.
So, 2012 – thank you for being my year of Suck. I will let you go, not holding on, not defining myself or attaching myself to what you were – but instead, learning from those lessons – not promising I won’t repeat them again (because who knows what caused it all in the first place) – but promising that I will show up and SHINE BRIGHTLY — even if it SUCKS!
May 2013 be your year to SHINE.
Love to you all – Marcia